The Peacock
By Yihan
"This million-dollar deal is CRITICAL.'
Silence. Clients? Unconvinced.
Waving his hands furiously, he repeated, "This's CRITICAL'.
Still Silence.
"Goodness! It's CRITICAL!'
Finally someone spoke. "How's this convincing?"
Deliberate Impatience. The CEO slammed the table and firmly announced, "I'll SHOW you."
He turned to fumble his documents.
Shuffles.
The CEO looked up.
Swivelling chairs.
Closing door.
55 Words
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1st Draft
"This million-dollar deal is CRITICAL.'
Silence. Clients? Unconvinced.
Waving his hands furiously, he repeated, "This's CRITICAL'.
Still Silence.
"Goodness! It's CRITICAL!'
Finally someone spoke. "How's this convincing?"
Deliberate Impatience. The CEO slammed the table and firmly announced,
"I'll SHOW you."
He turned to fumble his documents.
Shuffles.
Swivelling chairs.
Closing door.
53 Words
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Image Courtesy of: iStockPhoto
6 comments:
"This is critical"
How LOL. Copying our English teachers trademark eh?
Why don't u try another .
I say this one is nice.
Except that the CEO looks really stupid.
( LEHMAN BROTHERS CEO )
Is that who you want to imply.
" SUB-PRIME LOANS ARE CRITICAL!"
-to the destruction of the company.
Nice one QZ. Yes. I intended to portray the CEO as a peacock - they don't lead, they're just proud. But I guess I'll stick to the trademark. That keeps to the word limit.
Peacock and CEOs, nice bridge. The only word that threw me off was chair(s). Did the CEO get fed up and walk out or was it the client(s)? A very nice rhythm to this one and I like the addition of the frustration of the picture. Excellent.
Ok I have edited the story. Hope it makes the picture clearer. Thanks for pointing that out, Mr S.
Now I get it, they all walk out and leave the peacock to admire himself!
Glad to have made it clearer.
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